april 24

monday, 24 april...i'm being thrown back into the battle field. it's gonna be interesting. i'm all ready for it.

finally!

after years of torment about not being satisfied with my current work scope...and many many months of job searching, i'm finally being given a chance...a chance to break out of my comfort zone to be thrown back into the battle field. it is definately gonna be tough, but i'm all set and fully determined to re-focus and re-channel my energy.

wish me luck!

conversations with "god"

me : i keep talking to you and trying to get you to answer my prayers...why aren't you answering any of my prayers?

god : i have been listening...all the time, never failed.

me : why are you not talking to me directly...

god : i do...all the time and when i realized you weren't listening, i had to get your attention trhough my angels.

me : i don't understand...help me god! please! help me!

depress mode

ok, i'm not going to deny, i'm depress! d.e.p.r.e.s.s.....depress! no, not some cheerleading shouts...but i'm just plain depress. not too sure if it's the male version of the so called "pre-menstrual syndrome". but i'm definately feeling yucks right now. i know what the issue is, i just don't know how to deal with it!

anyway, attempted my usual yoga class yesterday hoping that a good workout would help keep my mind off things, unfortunately...couldn't concentrate at all...my teacher was saying that i did not fully commit myself to the pose. that's really bothering me. haven't slept well for a couple of days now...it's a been a week since actually.

what should i do? what should i do?

my new toy

hahaha! yes, i've finally succumbed to another temptation of getting myself yet another gadget...yes, it's the new ipod video. a sexy little bastard with gorgeous buttons to turn me on! woo hoo!

yup! still nicely wrapped in its original plastic wrapper. waiting to get a 'condom' for it. can't seem to find good ones.

so next project is to get a good universal docking station so that i can hook it up, download some good meditation music and twist and bend away.

i want...i want...i want

yes...i've been slacking lately. no...not from any love project or any major changes to my life. life is still the same...hasn't changed much...but i'm still holding up a very positive attitude towards the beginning for the year of the dog.

i want changes to happen this year...i know it will happen...i can feel it.

2005...a proper closure

2005 has been relatively good to me i must say. of course there has been the occasional hiccups. but how can i complain when i've got a job to get to (which i totally hate), yoga classes to attend (aaahhh...divine), men to oogle at (can see but cannot touch...damn it!), a roof over your head, wheels to get you about and money to keep you going, the lists just goes on and on.

but there was one chapter in my life which i can finally put a proper closure to it. it seems that i've been clinging on to a piece of history which i thought have been safely tucked and sealed away...i was dead wrong. it haunted me for the past two years. feeling of remorse and regret, showered me daily. thoughts of reconciliation so powerful, i swear i thought it partially cooked my 'balls'.

anyway, the new year began with a good conversation...a conversation which should have taken place back then...but like they say...better to have done it then not and regret it. of course the main topic revolved around the agenda of love...the trust, the betrayal, the touch, the feeling. everything was layed clearly out on to the chopping board. we were like doctors performing autopsies on each and every element...but we realized there was no use in analyzing all these elements as we cannot turn back the clock to undo what has been done (although, i would have love very much to do that...but reality check).

so, here i am...locking this chest for good. vowed never to look back for i have new missions for this new year, yoga practices to attend, voluntary work to give, friends to care and people to love. and i'd like to wish my closest friends...the doctor, the prisoner, the librarian (come to think of it...i don't have much friends) a fucking good year ahead! cut crap and smell the coffee will ya!!! life is as shitty as it can get! namaste.

i hate chrismas!

i hate chrismas i hate chrismas i hate chrismas!!!